I Spy Through Slash Goggles
Thursday, December 4, 2003
10:06AM - "Tag, You're It"
#72 Tag, You're It
Kelly and Scott are framed for a trainee’s death and must elude capture to find the villain.
The guys working as a team in a good standard episode. Neither gets topless, but there’s lots of banter, and they disguise themselves as hippies, a sight to behold.
Kelly takes several pictures of Scotty; he gives away the camera, but it’s not clear whether he also gives away that roll of film.
#71 Anyplace I Hang Myself Is Home
Scotty has a strange urge to kill himself.
Kelly demonstrates thinly veiled panic and denial that Scotty is in danger. Scotty is very, very gentle when coaxing brainwashed Kelly down from a tower at the end.
Most of their scenes together are in flashback, varying amusingly depending on which one is remembering. This episode shows how the two of them met in their spy training.
Scotty in pajamas! Very cute.
Beware the strawberry ice cream.
Monday, June 23, 2003
3:08PM - "An American Empress"
#69 An American Empress
The Red Chinese have set up a fake Empress to raise money from American Chinese.
Scotty and Kelly are trapped together in the dark for a time in this episode, though the real star is a cat who really, really doesn’t want to be held by a guest actor.
Note various Asian languages spoken by the “Red Chinese” in this episode, including Cantonese and Japanese.
3:07PM - "The Lotus Eater"
#68 The Lotus Eater
Scotty comes to a Greek island to find out why Kelly never made a scheduled rendezvous.
Features Kelly in the World’s Tiniest Shorts and a shirt with its sleeves ripped off.
Drugged Kelly; it says something about Kelly’s normal speech patterns that at first this fact does not seem obvious.
Scotty squeezes Kelly’s shoulder on a couple of occasions and in one scene grapples with him/keeps him from falling.
This episode is notable for numerous Gratuitous Ass Shots.
Friday, June 20, 2003
9:26AM - "Little Boy Lost"
#42 Little Boy Lost
A young boy tries to get his scientist father's attention by stealing a vital guidance component.
Ron Howard played young Alan Loden; what an excellent actor! His father Paul was played by Richard Anderson, who years later would play Oscar Goldman in the Bionic Man and Woman shows.
At our first sighting of Kelly and Scotty, they drive up in a snazzy bright red convertible. They have oh the sexy walks as they saunter up to Dr. Loden's front door.
Kelly to Scotty: "The brilliance of your mind, now, because that's why you're on the team, after all."
The villain slices a pineapple with a garotte.
Scotty and Kelly have some very cute clowning around at a carnival at the baseball-throwing booth.
Scotty makes a lovely leap to climb over a very tall fence. We don't see Kelly's leap. [ahem]
Kelly uses the word "dialectic." Dude!
A nice bare belly shot of Kelly, as he's dragged to the edge of a cliff by the baddies.
For once, Kelly's white pants get very dirty! He has the worst fake kung-fu in the universe.
There's a long scene in which Kelly fights a baddie in the ocean while Scotty carefully stays out of reach of the waves, even when Kelly yells for him to come in and help. When Kelly finally subdues the baddie, he says, "Don't think I'm not gonna write to your mother and tell her what you didn't do!"
Scotty has very nice tight white pants at the end. The tag for this episode is odd and somewhat rambling.
9:23AM - "Casanova from Canarsie"
#55 Casanova from Canarsie
Scotty and Kelly try to prevent an ex-Pentagon "milquetoast" file clerk from being seduced by beautiful enemy agent Consuela.
Rather a silly episode, over all.
Kelly is the one initially assigned to flirt with and presumably seduce Consuela.
Scotty is playing chess by mail with a Russian agent; no reason for this is given.
No shirtlessness for either Kelly or Scotty in this episode, though they have some wonderful dialogue, particularly their brief discussion of "Plan X" and during their attempts later in the episode to escape a cell. The "Plan X" scene is particularly funny, and includes Kelly lightly whacking at Scotty's chin with his fingers.
Kelly calls Scotty "Alexander" at one point, which is a rare occurrence.
"Don't make me stand here, holding it up in the air." Kelly to Scotty, about his leg; he wants Scotty to boost him into the air.
Scotty is able to lift Kelly, both of them standing, on his shoulders (but they still can't see out the window of their cell).
Consuela has one supremely stupid moment, but it's for the sake of comedy.
In the tag, Kelly and Scotty sit shoulder to shoulder on a couch. When Kelly has been knocked out, Scotty pats his cheek with the backs of his fingers, while teasing him.
Tuesday, May 6, 2003
8:57AM - "Home to Judgment"
#70 Home to Judgment
Scotty and Kelly are on the run and must hide out at a farm. Which turns out to belong to people who will give Kelly angst.
Oh, the angst. The episode begins with Kelly and Scotty running, running, running (it gets a tad tedious).
Kelly has apparently been tortured—he has a bloody bandage around his waist, a shackle on his ankle, and bloody wrists.
They are both exhausted and dirty for pretty much the entire episode, and Kelly gets to be delirious.
Heavy Kelly angst in the present and in his backstory.
Scotty spreads his (dirty) jacket over a feverish Kelly. And they construct things that blow up. Sublimation?
Monday, May 5, 2003
9:55AM - "Cops and Robbers"
#56 Cops and Robbers
The finale of season two.
Scotty and Kelly visit Scotty's mother and sister in Philadelphia! Philadelphia!, but the visit is complicated when Scotty's old friend Tommy and his henchman Chester take the family hostage in order to force Scotty to give up valuable microfilm.
Begins with an aerial shot of Philadelphia! An outdated one, to be sure, but I saw the PSFS Building and Drake Tower. Alas, then we descend to a set that is supposedly Germantown, one of the neighborhoods north of Center City. The real thing looks nothing like the set.
Other Philly neepery: when we first see Tommy, he's reading a newspaper, and clearly visible is an advertisement for Clover Day at Strawbridge & Clothier, a local department store.
The camera leads us into a house, where Scotty's mother is feeding Kelly and Scotty at the dining room table. "I enjoy cooking for my boys!" Awwwwww!!!
Mom obviously knows Kelly well. She says to Scotty, whom she of course calls Alexander, "You button up now, don't get chilled. See that he does, Kelly." She doesn't know they are spies.
Mom has faith in her son; she doesn't believe Tommy when he tells her that Scotty is a thief.
No toplessness in this episode, but Scotty is wearing his Temple University t-shirt.
Scotty has a younger sister, Jo, who looks like a teenager; there's no sign of his father. Dead? We're not told.
Kelly and Scotty are again sharing a hotel room. For a large part of the episode, we only see one twin bed, but towards the end we're shown another. Oh, well.
While Scotty is lying on the bed, Kelly sits on the bed's end. When Scotty gets up, he touches Kelly's hand. When Scotty comes to sit down again, he says, "Now get off the bed."
Kelly flirts with an unspeaking woman on the hotel elevator.
To obtain the microfilm, Scotty punches Kelly out. Kelly very obviously feels deeply betrayed. When he finds Scotty after this incident, he comes up behind him and places his hand on Scotty's shoulder, presumably holding a gun, though it turns out not to be a gun and Scotty reveals that he knew. A very emotionally intense scene; surprising that Kelly didn't guess Scotty hit him because his family was in danger; Kelly was so shocked, perhaps, that he couldn't think. Of course Kelly helps Scotty with his difficulty.
In the final fight scene, Mom whacks Chester with an umbrella.
Many nice shots of Scotty climbing pipes and scaffolding and such in pursuit of Tommy. Check out those jeans.
At the end, Kelly pats Scotty's shoulder, and laughs when Mom tells stories about Scotty's childhood; Scotty looks sour.
9:53AM - "Get Thee to a Nunnery"
#51 Get Thee to a Nunnery
Kelly and Scotty try to solve a mystery that actually belongs to a British rival.
Scotty is taking a picture of Kelly when the episode opens.
Scotty wears a wonderful forest green pullover in some scenes.
Kelly tells Scotty, “You’ve got a good face,” when trying to convince him to don a disguise.
Both men are captured and tied to (separate) beds with leather straps.
Nun disguises are of course necessary for the climax of the episode.
Thursday, April 10, 2003
10:22AM - "Mainly on the Plains"
#50 Mainly on the Plains
Kelly and Scotty try to protect an eccentric scientist and convince him to throw in his lot with the United States.
Guest stars Boris Karloff!
Kelly gets shot in the rear with a shotgun and, in a rather humorous scene, Scotty has to pick out the pellets (we only see their clothed torsos, damn it).
It seems to be chilly in Spain, so they keep their clothes on.
A fun episode, and a total vehicle for Karloff, who waves his cane around with great abandon.
10:21AM - "A Room With a Rack"
#49 A Room With a Rack
Kelly tries to recover emotionally from being tortured.
Features rather unrealistic dream scenes of Kelly being tortured, while shirtless of course.
Much Kelly angst as he worries what is wrong with him (umm, post-traumatic stress? Hello?). Much subdued Scotty angst as he worries about his friend yet verbally denies that he is doing so. There is some comfort from a female friend of both men (incidentally, played by the actress who played the Founder on Deep Space Nine).
Wonderful scene of Scotty having a gym workout while wearing his Temple University sweatshirt. Scotty is also seen wearing a brown trench coat which looks exactly like the one Kelly wore in the last scene of “Mainly on the Plains.” Hmm.
Kelly refers to Scotty as “my real main man.”
Kelly’s Most Quotable Line: “If one guy is dogging it, then the other half of the team is bound to get nailed.”
Thursday, April 3, 2003
10:47AM - "This Guy Smith"
#74 This Guy Smith
Kelly is accused of murder; he and Scotty search for the real killer. Another episode done in flashback.
Scotty twits Kelly about the beautiful real estate agent he’s seducing (Kelly: "She sat right on my pants!").
Kelly complains that they could both fall out of a plane and only he would get hurt.
Over the phone, Scotty calms a panicked Kelly after an explosion that resulted in an unexpected death. It's very touching.
Topless Kelly; injured Kelly; topless Scotty, who also jumps in the water.
The guest girlfriend is played by Diana Muldaur, later of Star Trek fame in three different incarnations.
10:45AM - "Turnabout for Traitors"
#75 Turnabout for Traitors
Kelly tries to clear himself of charges that he’s a traitor.
Barechested Scotty in a nice purple robe.
Topless Scotty. Topless Kelly.
Kelly removes his pants out of shot while in a hotel room with Scotty, later is wearing only a towel.
Kelly gets knifed in his lower back and bleeds for several scenes.
A British agent calls Kelly, “old top.” Hmm.
Tuesday, April 1, 2003
12:15PM - "Blackout"
Kelly and Scotty must reconstruct how Kelly ended up in a motel room with a dead Russian ballerina.
Topless Kelly; drugged Kelly; sad Kelly.
Scotty rushes to Kelly’s rescue then must be harsh with him to keep him awake and on his feet; it's a very emotionally intense scene.
Scotty hauls Kelly around by the arm a couple of times, and later saves him from being run over by pinning him against a wall.
They sit shoulder to shoulder in a horse-drawn cab.
Kelly wears a very nice dark suit in the flashback scenes.
12:12PM - "One Thousand Fine "
#28 One Thousand Fine
Kelly must help an amnesiac locate a downed plane, along with his Kelly’s old girlfriend, whom he jilted.
Lots of Kelly angst about his former girlfriend, whom he left to become a spy, though he couldn't tell her why he left her.
Scotty shows much tender understanding first by not making Kelly talk about it, then making him spill the beans when he needs to.
Both are shown topless and wearing swim trunks.
Thursday, March 27, 2003
3:52PM - "Crusade to Limbo"
#24 Crusade to Limbo
Kelly pretends to be anti-American in order to uncover a plot involving many big-name Americans.
Scotty and Kelly are sharing the same hotel room. Scotty is shown ironing a shirt while Kelly is on the phone. How domestic!
Kelly demonstrates his usual implicit trust in Scotty when told to shoot a man who is tied and gagged.
Cameo appearance by Sheldon Leonard.
Not much to recommend this episode; it all seemed a bit goofy, like certain third season Man from U.N.C.L.E. episodes.
Monday, March 24, 2003
4:10PM - "My Mother, The Spy"
#25 My Mother, The Spy
Kelly and Scotty try to safeguard a female spy who’s just given birth.
Scotty takes revenge on Kelly’s behalf by throwing beer in a villain’s face.
Other slashable moments are primarily in dialogue. Kelly says, to the unwed mother, “People don’t point their finger anymore.” Hmm, what other things don’t they point fingers about, Kel?
Scotty: “…Kiss it!”
Kelly: “I’ll do anything if you just stop talking.”
True, they’re discussing the baby…
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
10:36AM - "Philotimo"
A young Bulgarian music prodigy (Stefan) begs Scotty and Kelly to help him defect, but all is not as it seems.
Dig the kid's eyeshadow in his first scene! Also note many fake-o Russian/Bulgarian accents. The Bulgarian guards at the beginning wear pale blue pants of amazing tightness.
Some interesting dialogue between Kelly and Scotty as they convince themselves to help the boy.
Scotty: "How come you can't tell when I'm serious?"
And later in the same conversation:
Kelly: "How come you don't know when I'm serious? I always know when you're serious."
There are some bonding moments in the escape from Bulgaria: Kelly tosses a car key to Scotty, who catches it while barely looking. When trying to circle around a motorcycle, they end up grabbing each other by both arms.
Once they've reached Greece and safety, Kelly is asleep on a chair while Scotty sleeps upright on a couch with the kid's head against his leg. Both of them are sleep-deprived for most of the episode.
Topless Kelly, who's lent his blue-striped pajamas to the kid. Topless Scotty. They're sharing a room again, next door to the kid. Later, Scotty is wearing blue pajamas and Kelly a short yukata.
The Greek policeman Zarkas says to Kelly, "You're a very sexy fellow, eh?"
Later, Scotty finds Kelly and a girl tied up together; the girl is trying to pull off Kelly's gag with her teeth, and Scotty says, "I don't understand you, man. I cannot leave you alone for one minute without you having to make out with the girls."
We learn later than Kelly will hit a woman when necessary.
When Kelly has to kick in a door, Scotty marks an imaginary X on it with his finger first.
10:34AM - "A Day Called 4 Jaguar "
#23 A Day Called 4 Jaguar
Kelly and Scott search for Quetzalcoatl, who’s really a Russian defector.
The teaser features Kelly trying to dissuade a lovely Mexican woman from seducing him. I wonder why?
Scotty and Kelly both wear shorts in this episode, as they are on vacation together. Scotty appears for a small scene in swim trunks and swimfins.
In the tag, both are topless, wearing swim trunks, and basking on twin floats in the private pool at their hotel. Oddly, there is a synchronized swim team in this episode as well.
10:31AM - "The Loser"
#6 The Loser
Scotty is kidnapped by drug dealers and held for the $3,000,000 in heroin he and Kelly had intercepted earlier. (Eartha Kitt won an Emmy award for her performance in this episode.)
Scotty and Kelly, both in straitjackets, are thrown onto the same narrow bunk. They then try to get each other loose by using their teeth. Really, need I say anything more than that?
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